Beautiful Risks
by FromGreenEyesToGold
Summary: Love is not something beautiful. It makes you weak. Its wrong. All her life Bella has learned from her jaded mother that Love hurts and breaks you . Its all she's ever known. So how could it be that only three days into a summer getaway at the Cullen beach house with her best friend Alice and Alice's older brother Edward make her begin to doubt everything?


**CHAPTER 1**

**I don't know where the ocean meets the sky  
I don't know why the world keeps spinning by  
Don't know why the hours move so slow  
Babe, when I'm with you, I don't wanna know**

**ON THE OTHER SIDE BY AUGUSTANA**

* * *

_"Love is weakness Isabella. Look at me!"__  
__I slowly look up at my mother. I try so hard to make myself look like I don't care about the poor kitten, but I can see it on her face. She is disgusted by my heartbreak.__  
__A sob escapes my lips and suddenly her hand is gripping my chin making me look directly into her eyes. I am frozen in a moment of pure terror. Her eyes are so cold and empty.__ But she is my mother and I have to believe she wants what's best for me.__  
__"You have disobeyed me. You loved that stupid animal? Yes, you did…you do. Disgusting." She says through gritted teeth. I look down at her hand still clutching my chin so hard tears stream down my face.__  
__"I'm sorry, mamma." I whimper and I look up surprised to see her face soften for a fraction of a second. But it's gone so fast I'm not even sure it was real.__  
__"Liar!" She removes her hand from my chin and pushes me outside. I struggle against her grip on my arms, but she pinches me so hard my eyes blur over.__  
__We walk toward the trees where the forest begins on the right side of our house. __  
__As we get closer to the trees everything around me starts to fade to black. A swarm of nasty black birds are all huddled by a tree. The hand on my back pushes me forward, but I don't want to see. Because I know just what I'll find. I dig the heels of my old battered sneakers into the dirt and mom pushes me forward. I can feel the scrapes on my knees and the rawness of my palms from where I've caught myself. But none of the compares to the pain that runs through every inch of my body and straight into my heart.__  
_

_Rufus. I had found him digging in our trash. I hid him at first worried mother wouldn't let me keep the kitten. But of course she found out, it was a miracle that she let me keep him. I got close to him, I cared for him and it made her wary. But I came to love Rufus with all my heart.__  
__Now I watch as his mangled body all twisted and bloody is picked apart. Pieces randomly missing, being pecked away.__  
__It's like if my ears had finally popped from being up high and my screams filled my ears. I screamed and I cried and I broke.__  
__Gentle hands wrap around me keeping me there to watch as something I love die.__  
__"Do you see now Isabella? Do you?" I couldn't speak. There were no words. I was nine years old and so completely scared.__  
__"Do you feel it? That broken feeling that stabs you. That's love Isabella. I saw it in your eyes whenever you looked at...that thing. It breaks you Isabella. It kills. Now watch! And you will learn what it truly means to love." With hands on either side of my face she makes me watch as more birds land on his face pecking at it and destroying his right eye.__  
__My screams start up again and a hand clamps over my mouth muffling them.__  
__"WATCH ISABELLA. WATCH ISABELLA! WATCH BELLA! WAKE UP BELLA!"_

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"Bella wake up!"

My eyes fly open and I'm face to face with Alice. Her eyes are bright with worry and her breathing sounds erratic.  
"Bella calm down breath slowly in...out." wait, that's my breathing?  
"I'm going to get you some water Ok? Don't move. Or move, if you want. Just...I'll be back." Before she reaches the door it bursts open and standing there in only a pair of boxers holding a metal bat is Edward. He strides into the room gripping the bat ready to swing.  
"I heard screaming..." He looks from Alice's shocked face to mine and back. His cheeks darken and he puts down the bat down next to the bed. He rubs his eyes with the palm of his hands muttering something along the lines of 'what the Fuck', but I'm not too sure.  
"Bella had a nightmare, everything's Ok. No need to go all cavemen. I'm going to get you water Bella." She darts out of the room and I lay there listening to her footsteps until they fade.

"Bella?" I realize I had closed my eyes and began to cry. The humiliation was eating me up inside. Can I for one night be normal? Can I at least for one night not have nightmares? Please...

"Please what Bella?" Had I said that out loud? Edwards hand rested on my shoulder warm and careful. I slowly opened my eyes to be met with his concerned green ones. A small smile played on his lips. This is so embarrassing.  
"I thought someone was taking you! I was afraid I'd have to avenge your murder." Something between a sob and a laugh escaped my lips and Edwards's arms were suddenly secure around me. I clung to him and sighed.  
"I had a nightmare...I'm sorry I woke you." Alice's faint footsteps approached the door so I let go of Edward and lay back down.  
"Here you go Bella." I sat up and reached for the glass. I suddenly felt completely awake after drinking the cold water. I looked up at Alice and Edward watching me. I rolled my eyes and put on my best easy going smile.  
"I am fine. I swear!" Edward pursed his lips before kissing Alice on the forehead and leaning over the bed to do the same to me. I smiled at him as he left the room. "Do you wana talk about it?" She said as she lay back down on the bed. I shake my head at her and she's about to say something else, but a huge yawn interrupts her.  
"Let's go to sleep Alice. Thank you for helping me." She smiles as her eyes close and she's out. I know sleep isn't something that's likely to come so I get out of bed and leave the bedroom closing the door quietly behind me.

I head downstairs and into the beautiful kitchen. The screen on the fridge says its 3AM. I roll my eyes frustrated with myself and open the door. I reach for plate of cold pizza and a Coke. With both in hand I make my way to the game room down in the basement. I giggle just thinking about what Alice and Edward's reaction would be if they found out I've been coming down here every night since we got to their summer Beach house.

The game room is probably my favorite place in this house. There is an enormous flat screen hanging on the wall with I don't even know how many speakers attached to it and placed strategically around the room. Of course in front of the TV there are the most comfortable couches with cup holders! On the wall left to the TV there is every movie you could ever think of. The pool table is placed behind the couches and in the far left corner of the room is a Bar with a bunch of expensive wines, alcohol and imported beer. The wall opposite the Bar is so breathtakingly amazing. The entire wall is filled with books. I swear it brings a smile to my face every time I see it. The warm cozy love seat calls to me, but tonight I won't be reading. I place my food on the little table in front of the couches and turn on the TV. I walk over the DVD's but a movie isn't what I'm looking for. There are a couple rows of video games towards the bottom and i find the one I'm looking for quickly. I place the Disc into the Wii and strap on the remote. Just Dance 3 main Menu pops up on the screen and I quickly pick a random playlist. Soon I'm jumping around dancing to stupid ridiculous pop songs. I'm in the middle of She's Got me dancing by Tommy Sparks for like the third time when I catch a glimpse of movement by the door. I snap my head towards the door and I scream when I see Edward standing there with his hands up. I am mortified. I realize I'm his basement playing with his video games drenched in sweat. The song is still playing and I quickly turn to turn it off, but my shaky feet trip on themselves and i fall on my face.

This. Cannot. Be. Happening.

Were both silent for a while and I bet he's probably wondering if I'm ever getting up from the floor. I'm still debating it.

"Bella, are you ok?" I hear him come closer and I groan in humiliation. I quickly turn over so my back is to the ground. I watch his approach with that smile playing on his lips.

"I'm fine. Really." He stops walking once he's right in front of me and just raises his eye brows. He slowly looks at me from head to toe and a huge grin replaces the small smile. Shaking his head he steps over me and to the couch. I watch confused as he sits and grabs my soda, opens it and takes a big gulp. I slowly stand up, place the Wii control on the table and sit on the opposite side of the couch.

"How long had you been standing there?" I look down at my nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world while I wait for his answer.

"A while…" I grab one of the couch pillows and smack him in the head with it. He stares at me with wide eyes for a moment before laughing loudly. He clutches is stomach which I suddenly notice is bare. He's now only wearing sweat pants. I try hard to hold back my smile but seeing him laugh so freely is so contagious that I'm soon cracking up too.

"Bella, I swear not in a hundred years did I expect to find you down here dancing! Dam you were really into it too! I mean you had this look on your face and you're soaked in sweat! Wait. How long have you been down here?" I roll my eyes and shrug.

"I don't know I've been down here since like 3AM." His eyes widen and he shakes his head.

"Its 5AM Bella. Why are you down here anyways?" My smile dims and I take a deep breath.

"It's just that I can never go back to sleep. You know after I have a nightmare. It stupid I know…"

"No it's not Bella. Alice hasn't told me much about it; she's a good friend like that. But I do know that they happen every night." Suddenly he scoots closer to me and I shrink in on myself.

"What's your point Edward?" I sounded much harsher than I intended it to and smile tugged at his lips.

"My point is…You don't sleep Bella! You stay up with Alice watching movies and doing whatever other girly shit and you guys end up going to sleep past midnight. And you wake up at 3AM. I'm not sleep expert but that's hardly enough Bella." His words burn through me and I glare at him. Who was he? To shove all this in my face like I don't already know. He doesn't know me?

"Look Edward, I've got it handled. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about me." I snatch the plate from the table and pick up a cold slice. I hesitate for a second before I offer him the plate. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling and takes a slice. We sit there staring at the black screen of the TV nibbling on cold leftover pizza.

Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I should have stayed with my mother. But Alice had been so insistent that we spend summer break together. She and her brother were heading to their families beach house in Santa Barbra while their parents were going on a second honeymoon all over Spain. When she first asked me to join them I had politely refused. But let's just say she was persuasive. Enough so that she got my mother to agree. It's our third night here and already my night mares are becoming a problem. That's exactly why I didn't want to come. I am a burden.

"I don't mean to interrupt you, because you look like you are way deep in thought. But, I have something to show you. So come on." He stands up holding out his hand to me. After a moment of deliberating I decide, what the hell! I grab his hand and he pulls me up the stairs and out the back French doors. We run out to the beach and we just stand there with the water slapping gently at our feet. He points to where the sun is already halfway peaking over the ocean and I gasp out loud. A soft dim orange spreads across the sky in the most delicate and beautiful way. I feel like I'll never be able to look away. I'll never want to. I feel the tears as they run down my cheeks but I don't care. Beauty like this should be acknowledged and my tears are just a small way of doing just that.

A gently squeeze of my right hand reminds me that Edwards with me and still holding my hand. I fight the urge to pull it away and turn my head to look up at him. He's been watching me, I can tell.

The orange in the sky becomes stronger and Edwards green eyes mix with the reflection of it. His face is so serious. The furrow between his eyebrows prominent and his lips pressed together. My eyes shouldn't linger… but they do. His lips. I feel my heart banging against my chest and I hope to god I'm the only one who can hear it. This isn't right Bella. Do not think about you friends brother like this. Stop looking at him like this. Stop! My mother's voice is shaky in my head and I look up at Edwards eyes only see he's staring intently at my lips. I let out a shaky breath and unconsciously lick my lips. He breaths heavily and I watch as his jaw clenches and unclenches. The desire to trace his jaw with my fingers seems so new and unattainable that I don't even stop myself as I do. Slowly with the tips of my fingers barley brushing against his skin, I run them along the strong shape of his jaw. I hear how his breath has become so shaky. My fingers accidently brush over his bottom lip and suddenly in being pulled so close to him that every inch of my body touches his. Fire burns through my veins in a way that I have never experienced before. I close my eyes as I feel soft cold lips run along my neck and jaw. His lips brush the side of mine and I can feel the smile tugging at his lips. The feeling is so strong that I just let myself go.

I wrap my arms around his neck and run my hands through his hair. I stand on the tips of my toes and catch his smiling lips. For a second I freeze. Never having kissed someone never felt like such a horrible thing. But his lips moved against mine patiently. I kiss him back and just let it come naturally. I slowly let my tongue explore him and I a rough groaning noise come from him and it only encourages me more. His hands hold tight to my waist gripping and pulling me closer if that was even possible. His lips so amazing and strong dance around my face leaving kisses in their trail. Descending down to my neck where he kisses and bites down gently onto this spot between my neck and shoulder that makes a soft noise escape my lips. This make Edwards smile against my skin and I tug at his hair, pulling him back up to my lips. I love his lips…

_Look at yourself. Disgusting. This is how it starts Isabella. Then its love. And what does love do to you? It kills you inside Isabella. Makes you weak and stupid Isabella! DO YOU WANT TO BE WEAK AND STUPID? DO YOU? DO YOU ISABELLA?_

"_N_o!" I push a surprised looking Edward away and stand there panting. I reach up and touch my lips with my fingers and shudder. Edwards takes a step towards me. But I shake my head frantically at him. I run my hands through my hair in panic.

"No, No. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I…This is wrong." I can't breathe. What did I do? How could I risk it? Everything mother has told me! How could I risk it!

I run back to the house without looking back at him.

I'm too ashamed.

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**Thank you for reading!  
****I hope you enjoy my new story.  
Let me know what you think and  
Review!**


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